Thoughts on Sleep…
Goodnight
Stars, Goodnight Air, Goodnight Noises
Everywhere...
As we know, involves a
cyclical process. Periods of dreaming alternate with
periods of non-REM sleep. The early hours of the night are
the "best sleep" or deepest sleep periods. The midnight to
four or five a.m. hours are generally the periods of REM
sleep, which alternate with lighter phases of sleep. For
children, there is generally a descent into deep non-REM
sleep again before final wakening.
There is no magic remedy for a child's sleeplessness. Most
experts agree that a sleep "problem" is a symptom, not a
diagnosis. Solving it depends on identifying the “cause" of
the younger child’s inability or the older child’s
unwillingness to go to sleep or stay asleep through the
night. Many of the "problems" of sleeplessness are not a
"problem" for the toddler, they may be very content! For
parents who would like to change the pattern of a child's
wakefulness there are ways to accomplish this goal.
All of us are used to falling asleep under a certain set of
conditions. Children may adopt a pattern of falling asleep
under a very specific set of conditions; rocked to sleep,
having their back rubbed, laying down with someone, etc.,
and should they awaken in the middle of the night they may
not be able to fall back asleep unless those same
conditions are present.
Out of necessity and for comfort, infants become dependent
on adults to settle them and help them to relax so as to
allow sleep to occur. This is not an unhealthy thing for
very young children, but as time passes, we would have
children develop their own patterns or rituals for falling
asleep. Children devise mechanisms or strategies for
“self-organizing” in all aspects of their lives. If we
assist them
to do this regarding sleep, they can then repeat a set of
conditions when they awaken during the night. Our goal is
to develop good sleeping habits.
Magda Gerber suggests that parents sensitively observe the
very first signs of tiredness. That is the time a child is
ready for sleep. As time goes by, increased tiredness
builds resistance - and once the second wind hits, going to
sleep becomes an ordeal for both parent and child. An
overtired child sleeps restlessly, wakes up more often
during the night and gets up grouchy, way too early in the
morning.
Stress and over stimulation can also cause exhaustion,
irritability and resistance to sleep.
Generally, the easiest way to develop good habits is tohave
a predictable daily life. Children thrive on routine.
Ideally, daily events of eating, sleeping, bathing, outdoor
play etc. happen around the same time and in a similar
sequence each day. However, even with the most regular and
predictable routines and rituals, there will be times when
a child becomes reluctant to fall asleep. Both the amount
of time and the pattern of sleep change as a child grows.
And, everything that happens to your child during the day
can influence the sleep pattern.
As bedtime approaches, create an atmosphere that becomes
progressively slower paced and more quiet. Repeating a
simple pre-bedtime ritual helps the child
to get ready gradually. Reading stories, having a bath,
tidying the room and putting toys to "bed" help to bridge
“tonight “and “tomorrow” and bring closure to the day.
Some children have a special bed “snuggle” or cozy blanket
used as secure transitional objects. Putting the child to
bed with their special toy allows for comfort, and
companionship while they settle for sleep.
At DyLynn’sHouse, the children’s sleep patterns are
developed early on. As infants they dictated the time
periods and most of the “how” of their sleep rituals.
Over time, I helped them incorporate aspects of the
“communal” sleep time we now share. Most of the time, our
sleep ritual begins with making our beds followed by a
round of diaper changes or potty breaks. As the children
settle in, I “tuck” their blankets around them and begin
the recitation of Good Night
Moon, “Way Up High In the
Mountains” and sing a couple of lullabies.
Occasionally, someone wakes or needs my attention “midway”
through our nap time. I will quietly check-in with them,
saying very little and gauge whether or not they are
“mid-cycle” or truly waking. If it seems early, I help them
snuggle into their blankets again and lay down for a few
minutes, patting their back or stroking their foreheads if
desired. I have provided a clear wake-up "signal” by
keeping the curtain closed and the lights off in their
sleeping area until most everyone is well rested. They have
accepted this cue easily and it makes the wake-up
transition cozier for us all.
While children slowly wake, they have quiet, restful
observation of their immediate environment. They feel the
warmth of the blankets, listen to the sounds of our
space and the outdoors, and watch for signs that their
friends are doing the same. At wake-up...we can sit and
snuggle together in a quiet, semi-wakeful state rather than
being loudly startled from sleep by others who might have
learned to “protest” this ritual.
Ryan bounces on her bed when she wakes up; Sophia and Lea
always wake up hungry; Colin usually stays snuggled under
his blankets asking "why" questions about the universe;
Hazuki and Lena like to have a lap snuggle when they wake;
Camille likes to quietely sing or talk herself awake and
Carson likes to lay on her bed until the last possible
minute before I start serving snack and Lizzie wakes ready
to quietly sit with a friend who is sleepy!
Most days, I can get a quick power nap in with the girls
too!
“Sleep knits the raveled sleeve of care…”
October 2005